I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
