3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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