I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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