new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
