i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
