My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
