The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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