One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
