Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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