weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
