You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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