i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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