I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
