You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
