I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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