I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
