You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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