I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
