Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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