the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
