He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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