i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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