eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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