he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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