"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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