in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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