I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
