I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Can you bring me the toilet please
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
