i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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