I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
