Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
