Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
