I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
