It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
