38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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