Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
