it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
