I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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