My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
