and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
