sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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