well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
