You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
