My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
