Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
