just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
