hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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