Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
