she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
