Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
