so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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