If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
