I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
